I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
