i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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