is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
