i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
