my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Never joke about your clitoris.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
