What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
