took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
