dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
