life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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