Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
