Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
