this boner is exhausting
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
