youre lurking in front of me
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
i think i just lost a toe
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
