Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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