I'm lost and stupid without you.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
