Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My hand turned me down
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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