Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
