In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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