There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
