a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
