where am i from again
Who did Billy Mays play for?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
