Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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