): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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