i wish my penis had a tongue
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
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