Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
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