Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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