Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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