census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
