Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
