dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
