If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
