Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
