nut hugger
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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