Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
should my penis look like a turkey
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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