Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
