yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
