Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
