theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
