Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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