It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
The beer is more important than you right now.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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