now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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