I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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