This is not my ceiling
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
