There is no way he is gay with that hair.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
