White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
