I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
