I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm both gender and math confused
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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