it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
