If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
