That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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