i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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