I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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