I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
